Editing Notes

 The Right Words

The right words can significantly enhance or detract from a story's quality. It's crucial to identify and replace overused words during the editing process. Watch for repetitive words and keep an eye out for 'ly' words such as really, suddenly, absolutely, honestly, incredibly, literally. Also, be wary of other frequently used words like that, said, nod, like, smile, and look, as they can dilute the impact of your writing. (To mention a few.)

As you edit and encounter these words, consider your audience's role. Is there a better word that would engage them more? Let's play with a couple.

Scene: John and Jane Bones are sitting in a cafe having a conversation.

It was a beautiful day. Jane looked lovely in her fall sweater. John found her incredibly attractive. He nodded as she spoke, enjoying the lilt of her voice and not hearing a word she said. Suddenly, she froze and looked over his shoulder. Her eyes were really wide. 

Okay, what do we know about this scene? One, it is fall. Two, John is attracted to Jane and not paying attention to anything else. Third, something has distracted Jane. The paragraph is more telling us than showing us. We want to put the reader in the scene. We want the reader to FEEL like they are right there. Now, how do we do that? With the right words. Let's start with the first sentence.

It was a beautiful day. Okay, but beautiful describes nothing. What was beautiful about it? Was it sunny? Rainy? Is it an indoor cafe? Or are they seated outdoors? Let's say they are outside and try this sentence again. Try to bring it to life.

Carrying their coffee outside, John found a table, pulled a chair back for Jane, and sat across from her. Sunshine spilled through a nearby tree, leaving a latticework shadow. A few leaves drifted down, falling in lazy spirals to the concrete, one of them landing on the table's mosaic design. John picked it up and held it to the light. It was a fragile work of art.

Can you see the table? Can you see the tree? Do you feel like you are at the table? Isn't that better than the word beautiful? We have just taken five words for word count and made it to sixty-seven. 

Let's take on the next two sentences: Jane looked lovely in her fall sweater. John found her incredibly attractive.

He held the wine-colored leaf out to Jane. It matched the deep maroon shade of her sweater.  Her eyes were moss colored, reminding him of the woods in Index, Washington. Her hair hung to the middle of her back in a chocolate waterfall. And her lips ... John swallowed, watching as she lifted the mug and took a delicate sip. He dropped the leaf and wished he was her cup.

Do you have a better idea of what Jane looks like? Do you get a better sense of how John feels? Plus, we just took twelve words and transformed them into sixty-six.

Let's tackle the next sentence: "He nodded as she spoke, enjoying the lilt of her voice and not hearing a word she said." It really isn't too bad; it's the word "nodded" that needs to be fixed.

She was speaking, and her voice was music, lilting, and rhythmic.

"I'm sorry."  He reached for his coffee. " I didn't catch what you said."

We have taken the word "nodded" and changed it to an "action." This is a simple example of show versus tell. Nodded is telling, while show is an action, something happening. We have changed eighteen words to twenty-three. It isn't a significant increase, but it keeps (hopefully) the reader in the moment.

Now, let's fix the last two sentences:  Suddenly, she froze and looked over his shoulder. Her eyes were really wide.

A smile tickled the edges of her mouth, and she replied, "I was saying—" Her words broke off, her eyes grew large, and the mug she was holding fell from her hand, sloshing coffee onto the table. 

How much more is said this way compared to the first? We have taken the bones—the general idea of the initial layout—and made it more alive.

Our goal as writers is to draw the reader in, to make them feel like they are right there, tasting the coffee, feeling the autumn air, and seeing a beautiful woman across from them. One of the many ways we do this is by eliminating overused words. That and Had are two of my least favorite words. Sometimes, you have to use them, but I try not to. 

A good book for this is "The Writers Lexicon by Kathy Steinmann." I have Volumes one and two. If I am stuck in my editing, I often refer to these books or even google to do a search for another way to say things. But personally, the best way I have found to fix a scene is to ask: how would I see, taste, smell, feel, or hear in this moment? 

Remember, the first draft is the bones. The second is adding the muscles, the nerves, and the skin.