Starting All Over

 Starting All Over


How many times have you started over in life? The first obvious answer is when we finish high school and move out. 

I wasn't going to go to College right off the bat. I was going to spend a year figuring out what I wanted to do, but fate had other plans. The young man I was dating was a year younger than me, and his parents were not happy about how serious we were becoming. They called my parents and gave them an ultimatum (at least this is the way I remember it) either your daughter leaves for college somewhere else, or we send our son to live with family he hasn't seen since he was three. I broke the young man's heart, enrolled at Ricks College in Idaho, and with only three weeks until school started, I packed up and left.

College was fun. I got a job to help pay for tuition. I made friends and started dating other people. I met a young man from New York who was as far away from Utah as I could find. He was sweet, fun, and someone I could see a future with. Plus, New York. I went back to meet his family, we got engaged and got married. This was starting over in life number two.

Marriage is an interesting experience. It is two minds coming together and learning how to live as one. It was a HUGE adjustment. Dating is fun. Marriage ... had its moments. We lived in Idaho at first, then moved to Washington State. I fell in love with Washington State the very first time I saw it, late at night in the fall, with the fog covering the hills, the tall evergreen trees that made me cry, and the rain. Oh my God, how I loved the rain. 

My husband and I had several "starting over moments" one was when we got married. Two was when we moved from Rexburg to Boise. Three was moving from Boise to his parent's house. Four was when we bought our first house, a single wide on five acres of land forty-five minutes away from work. (Note to those who are not yet married, do not live far away from your residence.) Five was when we sold that place and moved to Everett, five minutes away from work. Six was when I got tired of working two jobs to his one and seven was when I divorced him.

Eight was when I met my wife and moved in with her. She and I were together for 13 years. Even though we lived in four different places, it never felt like a starting over because we didn't need to adjust too much to the situation. We grew together. But then shit happened, alcohol won, and I moved to Utah. This was starting over number nine. I didn't want to move. But she didn't want to give up alcohol. She promised me she would follow. But didn't. I moved. I got a job. I lived with my parents in their basement apartment. (Thank you, Mom and Dad!) I started over from the beginning. I built my life up and my income and was able to save money.

Starting over, number ten, with the help of an idiot I was dating, I moved into a rental house with a sweet backyard for my dog Peyton. I knew the idiot and I were not going anywhere because my first thought on seeing the place was that I could take this half, and he could take the other. 

I got a promotion, and the idiot and I broke up. Starting over, number eleven. He moved out. (Thank you!)  I had the place to myself. It was financially tight. I got a roommate who brought her controlling girlfriend in.  I met another idiot who said everything right but was a liar, a thief, and a master manipulator.  The roommates moved out. The manipulator moved in. (Stupid. Stupid.) He quit his job and expected me to take care of everything. Boy, was he wrong on that one. We broke up. The police had to help remove his ass.  (See the stupid comment?) I stayed on my own, but then ...

Starting over, number twelve. I moved back into my parents' house. I loved living with my parents. They were upstairs, and I was downstairs; if I needed anything, they were right there. Daddy built a fence for my dog. Peyton passed away, and I got Misty. The family would visit, and life was good. Then, my beloved niece and her new husband decided to move to Utah. I love my niece. She and I lived together when I first moved down. She is a wonderful, creative, artistic soul, and her husband is a great cook, funny and warm-hearted. They were going to get a place of their own. But then ... she got pregnant. 

...d.

Starting over number thirteen, lucky number thirteen. What are you supposed to do when your niece and her new husband are expecting a baby? Well ... they can't afford a place. But you can. So, I bought a townhouse with my dad's help. (I really have the best dad in the world.) I gave up vacations. I gave up shopping for extra stuff like shoes and clothes, eating out, and going out for drinks for a place of my own. I started over. Square one. And here I am.

My point is this, you will start over many times in life. You will learn and grow from each one. And you will move forward. It will feel like you are taking two steps back. I have to remind myself of this. Baby steps. But I have started over thirteen times and come out on top. I can do this. Even though there are times when I am looking at my bank account and thinking WTF am I going to do ... I can do this.

So don't give up.  (The best version of this song is done by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole)

Starting all over again is going to be rough
For us, we're gonna make it
Starting all over as friends is going to be tough
On us, we gotta face it
We lost what we had
That's what hurt us so bad
Set us back a thousand years
But we gonna make it up
Though I know it's gonna be tough
To erase the hurt and fears
Starting all over again is going to be hard
But I pray to the Lord, to help us make it
Starting all over again is going to be slow
But we both know, we gonna make it
We gotta take life as it comes
Never fuss about it, what's right or wrong
It's an uphill climb to the finish line
We gonna try, we gonna try just one more time

[Solo]

We gotta take life as it comes
Don't make any fuss about it
What's right or wrong
We gonna make it up
Though I know it's gonna be rough
To erase the hurt and fears
Starting all over again is going to be rough
For us, we're gonna make it
Starting all over again is going to be tough
On us, we goota face it



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